You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
