Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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