idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
