I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
