Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize