Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
