a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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