He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
