Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
