I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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