screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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