i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
