Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
