he thought i was a dude.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
