dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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