Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
