You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My vagina is very pro this idea
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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