the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
