I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize