Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
