he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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