do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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