I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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