i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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