You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
