But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
