I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
