champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
