So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
