Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
