I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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