Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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