try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
