I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
