Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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