and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
