Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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