Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
