Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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