Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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