Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
