My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
