I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize