Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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