So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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