True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
