...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
