Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
