My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
