nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
