??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
