I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
