i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
