I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize