I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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