The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
