I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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