Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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