mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
