Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
