what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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