i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
