I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
