2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
