She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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