i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize