Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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