Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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