Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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