So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
