dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
