Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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