I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize