when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
