u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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