so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
