There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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