jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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