Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Randomize
