Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
