Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize