During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
