She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
