this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
