so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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