I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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