I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
