I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You can't just leave with hair like that
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
