dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
