Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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