I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
