I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
