I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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