That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
