I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
