If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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