bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
