i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Mom said you looked used
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
