Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
