if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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