He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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