Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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