overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
