I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
