So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
