so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
BRING THE BAGELS
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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