AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
