Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
