Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
birth control should be required to get into college
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize