$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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